


did we fly to the moon too soon?

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fireworks, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining Castiel, Road Trips, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 00:06:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7485180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The summer before they all start college, Jo, Ash, Dean and Cas decide to go on a road trip. Even though they've been best friends for years, Cas has never really noticed how much he actually <i>likes</i> Dean -- he likes him a lot. As the road trip nears its end, his crush grows into the size of the moon -- and even though it could ruin everything, Cas knows he needs to tell him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	did we fly to the moon too soon?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the July round of [spnwritingchallenge](http://spnwritingchallenge.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr. Prompt: fireworks.

They've been on the road for four weeks and Castiel has never been in love – not like this, at least. 

They've essentially been living out of their bright-blue van – Jo, Ash, Dean and him – and trading one town for another, they've met a whole bunch of people, as one does during hot summers and road trips.

Really, the list goes on and on.

Weed-sharing people. Drunk people. Nasty people who looked at them sideways because they were young and not as free as they pretended to be. (After all, the van was a gift from Jo's mom Ellen, who allowed this whole road trip to happen for a promise that Jo will at least try college.) People who flirted and liked to be flirted with; beautiful people and intriguing people. Long hair, short hair, beard or no beard, and worn clothes.

None of them managed to hold Cas' attention for long.

Because there was Dean. And sometimes it seemed that there was no one else. There couldn't be.

It's more frustrating than anything by the time they make it to one of Montana's lakes, the Hebgen Lake. Neither of them has ever been there before but to Cas' eyes, Dean's face lights up in awe in the prettiest way out of all of them. Which is, frankly, just another nail in the coffin.

Because, to be honest, Cas is pretty upset with himself. No matter what Dean does (jokes about skinny dipping, ruins their dinner with his non-existing cooking skills, misses a turn, bitches about the weather – either too hot or too cold) there is a 100% guarantee Cas will swoon. A _100% guarantee_. That's ridiculous. It's – it's maddening. 

And it's time to cut that nonsene off.

The Hebgen Lake is their last stop before they turn around and go back home and – well. What happens then? They'll go back to their normal lives. No more jokes about skinny dipping and all that.

“Hey, Earth to Cas,” Jo says as they enter the campsite and start to unhaul their shit off the van. “You still in there?”

“Sure,” Cas mumbles, finally moving out of the car. He slams right into Dean, of course, and his heart squeezes. Dean looks incredible after the past four weeks spent mostly in the sun – tanned, with his freckles screaming for attention. “Oh, sorry.”

Dean, who can't even properly see over his huge backpack, muffles something inaudible.

 _Do you need me to help with that_ , Cas almost asks but then decides against it. He steps to the side and lets Dean pass, and then he leans against the car, the hot afternoon sun warming up his skin. He can't do this.

It's so – it's so stupid. They've known each other for _years_ , Cas has practically grown up with the Winchesters and the Harvelles, so why the hell… That's why it's so frustrating. 

Cas knows Dean's quirks. Knows _everything_ about him, really. Up until now, though, until this idiotic road trip before they all start college happened, he never even considered Dean as – well, as a human being with ridiculously pretty eyes and kind nature and some undeserved self-worth issues that he could have a crush on.

A crush as big as the Hebgen Lake. Probably even bigger.

///

“Did you know that there was an Earthquake that formed the Quake Lake just down the stream?” Ash asks Cas that evening, joining him where he's sitting away from the campfire – away from his group and the people they've already befriended, away from Dean.

He wishes Ash wouldn't have interrupted his angsting. 

“Yes, I did,” he replies steadily, almost cold. Ash hands him a beer and Cas accepts it grudgingly. 

“Well, excuse me for trying to educate your ass,” Ash says and runs his palms over his jeans. _Leave_ , Cas thinks, but Ash remains sitting next to him on the wooden bench. “So, what's your issue right now?”

“What?”

“You've spoken like ten words today, friend,” he tells him. “Don't think we didn't notice. So, what is it?”

“What, did they send you to see if I got myself in trouble or something?”

Ash rolls his eyes. “No. Now spill.”

“Listen, thanks and all, but you should go back to the others and have some fun before we turn around and head back home.” He's talking too much. Cas always talks too much when he's trying to get out of a situation. Crap.

“Is that what it's about? You don't want to go back?”

“No,” Cas says, but it is what this is about, isn't it? He's scared the magic will be gone. He's scared that he's missing his chance, scared that once he's off to college he won't be able to see Dean at all, won't be able to feel this way. Because as frustrating it is, in some way, it's also beautiful. Because Dean himself is beautiful. Tentatively, Cas takes a sip of the beer Ash handed him. “Maybe.”

Ash puts his hand over Cas' shoulder in a comforting gesture, like Cas is the little brother Ash never had. “Listen, the end of this summer isn't the end of the world.”

“It's not that,” Cas murmurs. His eyes subconsciously travel across the campsite towards the fire and land on Dean's back, lingering.

Ash follows his gaze and hums. “It's Dean, then.”

Cas looks at him, panicked. “What – what do you mean? I don't -”

Ash smiles, his hand sliding over Cas' shoulders completely. “Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who picked up on this particular thing – because I'm smart and all – but it's _obvious_ you have it _bad_ for him.” 

Cas' face going an unflattering shade of red is all the answer Ash needs, really.

“Are you going to do something about it or are you just going to mope around?”

Cas groans. _Screw this_. Ash already knows, there's no point in arguing about it. He squeezes the bottle and his eyes move back to Dean, who's currently leaning into Jo and laughing about something. (Cas swoons, definitely.)

“We're friends,” he says, frustrated. “We've been friends for as long as I can remember. I can't just go and ruin that.”

“Who says you'd be ruining anything?” Ash asks, his eyebrow quirked. “Anyway, even if Dean didn't feel the same way, do you think he's the type to push you away for, y'know, being a human being? 'Cause I don't think so.”

“I can't,” Cas whispers almost immediately, the hope Ash gave him with his first sentence quickly sizzling out like a badly started fire. “I just, I can't. I don't know how.”

“Well, I can't help you with that,” Ash says, pulling away and standing up, snagging the beer out of Cas' hands. “That's mine again. I'm gonna go join the others. And, you should join, too, if you want to.”

“Yeah,” Cas says, but he watches Ash walk away without following him.

///

The worst thing about the talk with Ash isn't that Ash _knows_ , it's that the stuff he said has lodged itself in Cas' brain and won't let him go.

All he can think about? Yeah, it's trying to tell Dean. 

Somehow, this turns out to be about seven-billion-times as bad as just crushing on him. Because thinking about telling him automatically makes Cas daydream about a positive outcome – about kissing and holding hands and having Dean be his _boyfriend_. 

On their last day by the Hebgen Lake, and therefore their last day before their road trip comes to an end (and the last day of summer, funnily enough), Cas is about ready to crawl out of his skin. He can't hold a conversation with anyone and he's straight up avoiding Dean – he can't even look at him without thinking about possible ways to just _tell_ him. 

_It so happens I have a giant crush on you. Hey, Dean, I had something to say to you – I really super like you. Hey, I want to put my mouth on your mouth. Dean, I think you're the most beautiful thing on planet Earth, inside and out. Hey, Dean, I know I'm nothing much so feel free to never speak to me again, but I thought I'd mention that I'm really into you. Stupid, huh?_

It's all a pile of ridiculous nonsense and it's driving Cas mad.

Still, he makes himself sit with everyone else that night, as they regroup around another campfire. Road trips are really just a bunch of those and no one really understands why.

Cas sits next to Charlie, a girl from the other group they've been spending time with here, who doesn't pay much attention to him – she's too caught up in trying to coax an address and a phone number out of Jo. (Jo is not very into that – a free spirit, she vowed she wouldn't strike up anything serious this summer, but considering the amount of time she's spent with Charlie the past couple of days, that might still change.)

Around 10PM, some of them a little tipsy and some of them a little tired, Benny, another one out of Charlie's group, takes the conversation into his hands and changes the subject.

“'Kay, guys. Time to reflect on this summer an' all. Let's pretend this is group therapy. It's time to share you favorite moments, regrets, all that. I'll kick us off,” he says, his southern drawl pleasant to the ear. 

Benny talks about finally finding a group of people he felt he fit in with; Jo says this summer changed her (sappily enough she looks at Charlie – later, she'll scribble her address down in Charlie's notebook); Charlie tries to joke that she's seen better road trips but no one falls for it; another guy from their group says he's never smoked this much in his life and he can't wait to go back to his boring office job and _sleep_ ; Ash says he's had as much fun as he'd expected with this group of people.

Dean says, “I dunno, man. This summer was amazing, but I feel like there was something missing.” And Cas thinks Dean looks at him, very quickly before tearing his eyes away. His heart hitches in his throat for a second.

And then it's his turn to speak. He can feel the others' eyes on him, alright, and he can feel Dean's as well. He looks down. “I think you guys summed it all up for me, really,” he says, and when he finally dares to look up, Dean is still staring at him.

Cas thinks he sees disappointment in there, and then Dean breaks the eye contact and focuses on his beer bottle.

And this is just stupid. This is so, so incredibly stupid.

They've been best friends for years and now Cas can't even talk to him. He hasn't talked to him properly for at least half of the trip, scared of his own feelings. That's ridiculous. _This_ is ruining them, not the crush.

“I'm gonna go talk to him,” he says to no one in particular, except Charlie bumps him in the shoulder and says, encouragingly, “You go do that, buddy.”

So Cas gets up. He towers over everyone for a few more seconds before he makes himself move.

 _I can't do this_ , he thinks once again, but then he wills his limbs to move and he walks around the fire until he gets to Dean. He's sure that if he held his hands up, they'd be trembling. 

“Can I talk to you for a second?” he asks and Dean turns to him, looks up at him with those eyes, and Cas should have told him a long time ago. 

“Okay, sure,” Dean says. He hands his bottle of beer to Benny and gets up, dusting off his jeans. “Where to, Cas?”

“Um. We could just walk towards the lake, I guess?”

Dean smiles, easy and relaxed – surely, if he knew just like Ash knows, he wouldn't be as calm, right? “Okay.”

They walk in silence, funnily enough. Cas feels itchy all over – all the words are clearly fighting to get out, but at the same time, with Dean walking by his side, he can't actually _do_ that. 

Dean smells like campfire and a little bit of just _him_ instead of cologne or shampoo. And it's a nice smell, enchanting in a way, and Cas gets wrapped up in Dean's presence very quickly until the silence becomes comfortable.

They always knew how to be silent, the two of them. Dean isn't particularly good about talking about his feelings and Cas is not one to push it – besides, he likes silence. Their silence was always good and it's good now, even though there are things that still need to be said. The tension's there as well, but it doesn't ruin it.

They stop a few feet away from the lake, the sky reflecting on it, the silhouettes of mountains hovering in the distance. It would make for a pretty picture for sure. Dean gestures to a spot on the rocky shore and they both sit down.

“So?” Dean asks after a moment as the dark settles around them and Cas gets used to the water so clearly right next to them.

“There's something I need to tell you,” Cas says quietly. The nights are growing colder, it's the last day of August after all, and he can feel Dean's warmth next to him. It's distracting and Cas wants to shuffle closer.

Dean hums. “I have a thing or two to say, too,” he says. Cas can't see him in the dark, not properly, but he knows him: he's probably scratching the back of his neck, which he always does when he's nervous, or he's biting on his lip, or he's running his fingers through his hair. His hair has grown a little longer than usual since they hit the road and Cas likes that look on him, but then again, he'd like anything. Because it's Dean.

“Can I start?” Cas asks with a shaky voice, on the verge of a nervous laugh. “Because I feel I'll never get it out if I don't say it now.”

Dean next to him does laugh, in a kind of stifled way. “Sure, go ahead.”

The nice thing is that it's so dark outside. He can't even see Dean, which means Dean can't see him, and that makes it easier to say all this.

“I know I've been avoiding you lately, and I'm so sorry if that ruined this summer for you,” he starts, because it's better to start with an apology. “I've just been – caught up in myself, I suppose, and there's something I've been battling this road trip, because this road trip...” God, there he goes, rambling again because his chest is about to jump out of his chest, “It made me realize so much and I didn't know what to do with it.”

A heartbeat or two of silence. “That's kinda vague,” Dean says in the end.

Cas' eyes flutter closed. He _knows_. But it's not easy to say those words. Fuck. Breathe in, breathe out. “What it made me realize was that I like you. Like, _like_ you.” Say the most cliché thing – check.

The cicadas go insane around them – or so it seems, because Dean is silent and all Cas can hear is blood rushing to his face and coloring his cheeks and he hears every sound too intensely.

“But I mean,” he says quickly, “I know we're best friends, which is why I haven't said anything. And it's not like anything needs to change, you know, but I felt I needed to tell you just in case there was a chance that you – But really, it's fine --”

“Cas -” Dean interrupts him, but he gets interrupted himself when fireworks explode and cut through the sky, somewhere on the other side of the lake and reflecting on it.

Cas' head snaps that way and he watches as red and gold burst and overshadow the stars for one brief moment at a time. It's loud, the popping, and it's so shockingly beautiful as the fireworks cross the sky and form a pattern of their own. He forgets about the situation for a second, just looking, so tense and taken aback. Someone's celebrating the summer they've had. Someone's celebrating their happiness.

“Cas,” Dean says, over the noise, and Cas realizes that they can somewhat see each other now.

Reluctantly, he turns back to Dean. The fireworks light up his face and his eyes, and just like the tan brings out their color and his freckles during the day, the colors that reflect on it now do the same. They do the job just fine.

After a second, Dean catches the fabric of Cas' pants and he leans in, and before Cas knows it, they're kissing. A simple push of lips against lips, but a kiss nonetheless; one that punches the air out of Cas' lungs and he has trouble remembering how to breathe.

The sky keeps exploding above them, but Cas doesn't even think about the teenagers that are putting that show on; he doesn't even see them anymore because his eyes close. And Dean's lips are on his. 

“But you're my best friend,” Cas says, loudly, when they pull apart for a second. They've inched closer, one of Dean's hands cupping Cas' cheek. It's warm and big and smooth and Cas is in love. And he's scared.

“And you're mine,” Dean says, swallowing hard. “That doesn't mean we can't – I'd want you to be my best friend anyway – I – can I kiss you again?”

Castiel nods.

And so Dean's lips finally come back, as warm and gentle as before, and Cas leans into it fully. The fireworks die out as suddenly as they appeared and he finally relaxes, goes pliant and allows Dean to pull them close. Allows him to put his hand on Cas' thigh. No, he doesn't _allow_ it – he thrives on it, on those little touches, on the kiss.

They're all new and unfamiliar but he wanted them so badly they all feel like his personal fireworks. If he were the sky, Dean would split him open and light him up with his colors.

It turns out that Dean's mouth and Dean's hands and _Dean_ are what Cas needed. He feels – he feels happy, he feels giddy. He laughs into the kiss and Dean smiles into it, but they keep on kissing.

It's like they're catching up on the past few years. All those kisses they could have had and didn't: they're taking them back now.

Dean breaks the kiss eventually, his forehead bumping against Cas'. If someone asked him about his favorite moment of the road trip, this would be it. It's hard to describe what he's feeling: he's floating on a cloud and feeling too many things at once, it's difficult to pinpoint one, difficult to tell them apart. People so rarely get what they want; Cas is so lucky. So lucky that Dean feels the same, probably feels lucky as well. So this is his favorite moment: breathless but happy.

“Don't tell Sam I called you my best friend,” he says when the silence grows into tension again, and they both laugh.

“I'll tell him you called me your boyfriend,” Cas says with a blush covering his cheeks.

“I can deal with that, yeah,” Dean nods, and twines their fingers.

The end of this summer is not the end of the world at all.


End file.
